As the seasons change: Young people on grief and transitions
Three bereaved young people share their experience of transitions and how their grief has evolved over time.
Change can bring grief into focus in unexpected ways. A new season, a milestone, or simply noticing how much time has passed can shift the way a loss feels.
There is no single way to move through grief, and it doesn’t stay the same forever. As our lives change, our relationship with the person who died, our memories and the way we carry them with us can change too.
We’re sharing the voices of three young people who speak of their own experience of transition, the moments that have marked change for them, how their grief has evolved over time, and what they have learned about moving forward while still holding onto people who matter to them.
I think I've always struggled with change. No matter how big or small, change seems to trigger a pang in my chest. One that makes the smallest oddity feel like a landslide. Going from breakfast to lunch, one school to another, from autumn to winter. With time, managing those things got a little easier. I’d set timers to remind my brain to eat and hydrate. I’d pack my school bag with everything I could possibly need – a calculator, water bottle, pencil case, tissues and anything else to make the school day a little more bearable. To keep me company I had two little IKEA mice plushies in my bag. I can’t remember their names now, but they’d scurry with me from class to class, carrying a little of the dreaded weight from my change. As I’ve gotten older, I still carry a bag to keep me safe, giving me a sense of safety and consistency. The bags’ contents may have changed but the solace it gives me has not.
Autumn moved to winter and the layers piled on. Coat, scarf, hat, gloves and boots, I might as well have been a snowman, feeling frozen in a life that never stops moving. Rustled between the autumn breeze and winter freeze I didn’t know how to deal with life as the seasons moved while my grief stood still. I thought the world would fall apart after my mum died but it kept turning. It was her that packed my bag each morning, her handwriting that neatly printed my name onto my pink Casio calculator. It was her that picked my winter coat from rails of clothing at the charity shop. It was her I thought I’d never have to live without. The thing is, that winter coat she choose kept out the changes in the seasons, but no coat was thick enough to keep out the chill of grief wandering up my sleeves. A change so sudden it sent tidal waves rippling into every aspect of my life that followed. I mourned the loss of autumn leaves that my mum would never get to see, and the bags she’d never help me pack years later when I moved to university.
I learned to live through the change of new seasons; seasons I’d come to live despite those I has lost. I learned to find comfort in the safety of new consistencies, in the objects that held my bittersweet memories and new people and places I have come to love. I learned that the turning of the earth from summer to winter was never really that scary. It was the reminders of all the people I’ve been and I’ll the people all be, all the years and seasons you will never see.
Even though you’re gone I will keep learning how to be me. I will keep going from summer to winter and back again. I will find love in the chaos of my grief, and for you and for me, I will never stop trying. The death of a loved one doesn’t undo their life. It is a chance to add pieces of them into the new comforts you find in your life, but it will be hard and it will most definitely take time.
I find comfort in slowing down a little. I try to be kinder and more patient with myself and recognise that I may not have the same energy or motivation that I have during the summer or spring months. I find comfort in simple things, like listening to music, having a warm meal, and making time for things that help me feel more peaceful, like reading.
I also find that I like to remember things fondly rather than focusing only on the sadness of losing them. I try to do things that remind me of my dad in some way. Sometimes that might be listening to music that he loved, cooking or eating food that he enjoyed, or doing something that he would have liked to do. Those little things can make me feel connected to him and bring back happy memories. I have done figure skating since I was a child and he was always my biggest supporter, so making sure I still make time for my training as much as I can even when I don’t feel like doing all of my usual routine.
I think there is something comforting about keeping those parts of him present in my life. It doesn't take the grief away, but it can change how I experience it. Instead of only thinking about what I have lost, or how I feel in that moment, I can think about the things he gave me, and the parts of him that are still part of my life.
I find that my grief can feel harder during the colder months, and particularly around the holiday season. Christmas is especially difficult for me because my dad absolutely loved Christmas and always made it feel very special. He put a lot of effort into making it a happy and memorable time for our family, so it is hard not to notice his absence when that time of year comes around.
Christmas also feels very different now because my family is very small. There are fewer people around the table and fewer of the traditions and routines that we once had. I think that makes his absence feel even more noticeable. There can be a lot of pressure around Christmas to feel happy and festive, but for me it can bring a mixture of emotions, I can enjoy parts of it while also feeling sad that he isn't here to share it with us.
I think the hardest part is knowing how much he would have loved it. Sometimes I find myself thinking about what he would have been doing, what he would have enjoyed, or how he would have made the day special. Those thoughts can be painful, but I also try to let them remind me of the happy Christmases we had together.
I have kind of learnt that I don't necessarily need to avoid the sadness. I can allow myself to miss him while also finding ways to include his memory in the season, as well as everything.
Both change and the winter months can be difficult. The darkness outside can start to affect our mood, and no one really likes change, after all, it can be daunting and unsettling.
For me, there’s one thing that helps ease both my fear of change and the potential low moods that can come hand in hand with winter: friends.
It’s important to find time for yourself and do the things that make you feel calm and at peace during times like these, but it’s equally important to spend time with the people you love and care about. Being around them can help ground you when things feel difficult, and when you start to realise that you’re all feeling similarly, sharing those thoughts and emotions can lead to some of the most meaningful and rewarding conversations.
But sometimes, it doesn’t even have to be that deep. Just giggling with the people who make you feel at home is genuinely one of the best kinds of medicine.
And maybe that’s what moments like these remind us of: that it’s often the little things in life, the laughter, the conversations, the comfort of being around people who understand us, that matter the most.
Whether you’re struggling with your feelings, not sure how to express your thoughts or trying to find ways to remember your person who has died, we have lots of ideas to help.
View grief toolkitIf you need to talk, we’re here to listen. Our bereavement specialists are available to speak with right away. No appointments or long waiting lists, just real-life support. You can chat with us anonymously if you wish and share whatever you are feeling. Nothing about your grief is off limits. We promise to listen, not judge and can offer advice and guidance if needed. You can speak to us as little or as often as you want. Start a conversation now. You can speak with us between 8am and 8pm, Monday to Friday (except bank holidays). You must be 13 or older to receive support via WhatsApp.
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