Starting a new job can feel daunting, and any changes when you’re grieving can feel much bigger than before your bereavement. It’s okay if you’re feeling lots of emotions about this transition. There may be feelings of sadness that your person isn’t there to see you start or change your career, you can’t offload your worries or concerns to them, and you can’t talk to them about your excitement or feelings of nervousness. It may make you wonder what they would say to you, how they would encourage or if they would be proud of you.
Write them an unsent letter to tell them all about your new job. Include your worries, things you're excited about, and how you’re preparing for your first day.
Keep a journal and write regularly about how the job is going. If writing a letter seems like a lot, instead, you can update the journal with small things that happen day to day.
Take something special that reminds you of your person, put it in your bag on your first day. When you’re on a break, you can take a moment to think of your person and feel close to them.
Have a photo of your person as your phone lock or home screen, then when you’re on a break, you can look at the photo and take a moment to think of your person.
Talk to other people who knew your important person and ask them what they think that person would say about your new job and what advice they might give you.
You may also be worried about whether to mention the person who has died at your new workplace. What do you say if they ask about your family? It may help to have a couple of answers prepared, depending on who is asking and how much you want to share. You may prefer to keep the bereavement to yourself at first or you may be comfortable sharing from the start, both are okay. For example, you could say, “I have an older brother, but he died 2 years ago.” Or “I live at home with my mum, and my dad died when I was 5.” If you can, try to keep the conversation open and honest. You could add, “I might tell you more about it at some point,” as this lets them know that you don’t want to go into any more detail right now.
As you get to know your new colleagues, there may be one or more people who you feel comfortable sharing more details and your feelings with. They may even have similar life experiences. If you have a manager, they may wish to check in on you on a regular basis regarding your work and your wellbeing, and again, you may feel ready to share, or maybe you’d rather wait until you’ve settled in. Either is okay but remember they are there to help and support you.
Now you’re working, you may find that your shift or working pattern falls on an anniversary or special day. This is where it can be important to talk to your manager or workplace about your bereavement, for example if you’d like to book the day off (sometimes you might need to provide a reason) or if you’d like to work as normal but let them know you might seem a little different around the time of the anniversary.
If it doesn’t feel comfortable to tell your workplace, consider booking the day (or days) off in advance. Then you won’t have to explain anything if you don’t want to.
Take your time and be kind to yourself. Find ways that help you relax after work as these can help you wind down and get some rest, ready for tomorrow. Some ideas you could try are:
Take a hot shower
Try journalling
Watch and join in with a meditation video on YouTube
Listen to some calm music
Socialise with friends (online or in person)
Go for a long walk, run, or sit outside
If you’d like to talk to someone about how your grief is making you feel about starting your job, you can talk to us. We’re here to listen, offer guidance, and share resources with you.
Watch or listen to our podcast episode below to hear from Youth Ambassador Nell and Amie from If We Don't Laugh We'll Cry talk about their individual experiences of grief, including grieving in the workplace.
If you need to talk, we’re here to listen. You can speak to the Winston’s Wish bereavement team using one of our confidential on-demand services. You can chat with us anonymously if you wish and share whatever you are feeling. Nothing about your grief is off limits. We promise to listen, not judge and can offer advice and guidance if needed. You can speak to us as little or as often as you want.
Click the blue 'chat with us' button at the bottom right of your screen between 8am-8pm, weekdays.
Call us for free on 08088 020 021 between 8am-8pm, weekdays.
For out of hours mental health support, you can use Shout's 24/7 messenger service by texting WW to 85258.
For urgent support, please call 999.
If you need to speak to us in a language other than English, we can use interpreters over the phone, and we can use the Relay UK app if you have hearing or speech difficulties.
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