Ben: Redefinition of what it is to be a son
Youth Ambassador Ben shares his reflection on being a son when you are bereaved of a parent.
Defining what it is to be a son seems a relatively simple matter. It is quite simply to be someone who identifies as male, born of two parents. But what becomes of that definition when it is redacted, cut in half, and the status of what it is to be a son is forced to readapt itself. The death of a parent is exemplary of this transformation. For a son who is bereaved of a parent, to be a son becomes something redefined from what you are to what you once were, from something that once was and now irreparably isn't.
Therefore, for sons who suffer bereavement, it is perhaps easy to focus on what has been lost, as such a transformation entails a recasting of some of the most basic ways we understand ourselves and within that the definition of what it is to be a son. But should we seek to find comfort, focusing on what is lost will get us nowhere, and where comfort can be found is perhaps in what remains.
There are of course the physical remnants in which we can find comfort, the objects left behind by deceased persons adopting a newfound significance in death. But it is a non-physical transformation we have suffered, and therefore we must search for what remains of a person aside from their physical presence in our lives and what this thereby offers us in the way of self consolation. The most significant of which, I find to be memory.
Although memory is always that of the past and may therefore seem as though it is reliving a moment that ‘has been’, this does not necessarily mean memory too is trapped in the past. Instead what memory allows us is the ability to carry forth the past into the present, it is not only a makeup of the past but instead that which has led to everything we are now. It is a continuation of the past into the present and a lineage between the two. Therefore the feeling we experience of transformation, from what was to what isn't, is not a transformation without a line that can be drawn through it. What memory teaches us is that everything we are now is continually made up of what we were and the journey into what we have become. Meaning memory can be loosely seen as the defining characteristic of what it is to be who you are, not simply the lingering pictures of the past we hold onto, it is a living force within us that continually shapes what it is that we are in everything we do.
Therefore, for bereaved sons, we can perhaps find comfort in the memory of our deceased that persists over loss. Memory is the remnant of the person we knew that continues to live within those who carry the memories of them. They are within the makeup of who we are as sons, their life within the continuation of our own. In reflecting on the definition we began with we can perhaps understand that to be a son is something perhaps a little more, it is to be shaped as a child, to harbour the memory of that person within yourself and carry it forth. The status of what it is to be a son does not change through bereavement, a redefinition comes only through what is lost, but should we pay attention to the ever persistent memories of our loved ones they are a summit death cannot triumph. A bereaved son carries those memories forth within themself, memories that do not suffer redefinition.
Follow us on social media for all our latest advice from bereavement support workers and young people with experience of grief.
If you need to talk, we’re here to listen. Our bereavement specialists are available to speak with right away. No appointments or waiting lists, just real-life support. You can chat with us anonymously if you wish and share whatever you are feeling. Nothing about your grief is off limits. We promise to listen, not judge and can offer advice and guidance if needed. You can speak to us as little or as often as you want. Start a conversation now. You can speak with us between 8am and 8pm, Monday to Friday (except bank holidays). You must be 13 or older to receive support via text or WhatsApp.
Click the blue 'chat with us' button at the bottom right of your screen between 8am-8pm, Monday to Friday.
Call us for free on 08088 020 021 between 8am-8pm, Monday to Friday.
Text or WhatsApp us on 07418 341 800 (open 3pm-8pm, Monday to Friday).
For urgent support, please call 999.
If you need to speak to us in a language other than English, we can use interpreters over the phone, and we can use the Relay UK app if you have hearing or speech difficulties.
Youth Ambassador Ben shares his reflection on being a son when you are bereaved of a parent.
Grieving for someone you have no memories of can feel complicated. Discover ways to express your grief from our Bereavement Specialists.
Our bereavement support team share ways to cope when feelings about your grief come up unexpectedly.
Feeling angry when you're grieving is completely normal, but it's important to find healthy ways to cope with your feelings. Hear from our Youth Ambassadors.
Whether your bereavement happened recently or a long time ago, grief can re-surface when starting a new venture in your life, such as starting a new job. Here are some things to consider if you’re grieving and entering the world of work.
Grief can sometimes feel difficult to talk about, making it hard to make sense of your feelings. Poetry can offer a way to explore those emotions.
When a student dies from your school, it can bring up lots of big feelings, not just for the students who were close to them but also for those who did not know them.
Grief might make special days feel different for you, but does that mean you should not celebrate?
Ways to cope with your grief this summer when you have a lack of routine.
When someone important to you has died, it can be very overwhelming to think about where to start. Who do you need to inform? How do you do it? Where do you get help and advice?
Support, guidance, and ways to manage your grief after the death of your baby or child. This is written specifically for young parents aged 25 or under.
Some tips for taking care of yourself when you're grieving for a celebrity or public figure.
How MrBeast's YouTube video* was about more than just losing 110lbs and what we've taken from it. Written by a Winston’s Wish Bereavement Support Worker.
Understanding your feelings after the death of someone important to you who didn't know or support your authentic identity.
Advice from our bereavement support team about navigating grief with a learning disability.
Four young people from the Winston’s Wish Youth Team have shared their memories of their dads and their tips for others coping with Father’s Day while grieving for their dads.
Ashleigh, Youth Ambassador, shares how she feels about her first Father's Day without her dad and includes some tips for other young bereaved people.
Grief is a really common theme in TV, film, books, and more, so why is it such a taboo subject for some people to talk about?
It can be really hard knowing how to support your partner when they are grieving for someone important who has died. It's completely okay to be unsure of what to say or do. Here are some suggestions of ways you can try to help.
Whilst it never goes away, grief does start to feel different over time. But what can that look or feel like?
One thing we all have in common is life and death. There are lots of different traditions to mark the occasion of a person dying.
Hear from Natasha, Youth Ambassador, about how reading helps her process her bereavement.
Bereavement support tips for those who identify as part of the LGBTQ+ community. Tap the live chat button or scroll down to find ways to contact Winston's Wish for further support.
Discover ways to store memories of your parents and express how you're feeling in your grief.
Find ways to cope with grief and its emotions as a teen or young adult without their parents.
Winston's Wish Bereavement Support Workers share top tips for looking after your mental health when you're grieving.
Feeling confused by your grief? You're not alone. Our Bereavement Support Team share some reasons why it can be confusing.
Over winter, with the darker evenings, feelings of loneliness can seem more overwhelming than ever.
Iman, Youth Ambassador, shares how she grieves at Christmas even though she doesn't celebrate the occasion.
Crying is a normal response when your person has died, no matter how long ago. There's no right or wrong way to grieve, and it's okay to let it out.
A guide for grieving young people from the Winston's Wish Bereavement Support Team.
Three of our Youth Ambassadors, Anna, Libby and Angharad, reflect on their first Christmas without their person.
Winter and the Christmas holidays can be a difficult time of year. Here are five ways to remember your person this season.
Winston's Wish Bereavement Support Workers share their 8 top tips for bereaved teens and young adults through the colder months.
Youth Ambassadors share the ways they remember their person digitally, through photo albums, playlists, and more.
Youth Ambassadors, Daisy, Freya, and Katie, share their personal views of their own secondary losses as a result of their bereavement.
Hear from some of the Youth Team about times when their teachers have helped them with their grief.
Our Bereavement Support Team have written some guidance on how to manage grief when you feel like you aren't able to be open.
Lilly shares an introduction to her grief experience and why it's so important to her to be a Winston's Wish Youth Ambassador.
Hear from some of their Youth Team about how they found support at uni.
Angus, Content Creator, says, "This message is about embracing change and not letting current moments pass you by."
Coping strategies to support you after a teacher has died
Tips from our bereavement support team to help you with big life changes like moving out as a young adult.
Useful tips to help you understand and cope with your grief.
Feeling sad that your person isn't there, guilty that you're celebrating your results, or proud of yourself for your results. There's no right or wrong way to grieve.
It can be very difficult knowing what to say and to be around someone who has experienced the death of someone close. Adults find it difficult too, so try not to feel bad about this.
The death of a friend may feel extremely difficult and can feel as significant as that of a family member. Whatever you're feeling is valid, and there is no right or wrong way to grieve.
Jack, Content Creator, writes about how managing his grief through running has led to him winning the Leeds Half Marathon 2024!
Iman, Youth Ambassador, explains about Eid and shares what it's like for her and her family to grieve during Eid.
Miranda shares about how she uses music in different ways to help express her grief and emotions.
Ashleigh writes about how both writing and music have helped her in her grief.
The Winston's Wish bereavement support team share top tips for managing grief this Father's Day.
Grace's dad died from cancer when she was eight years old, she shares how she remembers her dad on Father’s Day.
Feelings of worry are very normal when you're grieving. Read on to discover some ways to manage these feelings.
Useful tips for exam season if you're grieving
Youth Ambassador, Iman, shares about her Eid celebrations as a grieving young person
Content Creator, Angus shares his thoughts
Useful tips for exam season
Interview with Mark O’Sullivan, writer of Tell Me Everything
Tips to help improve your sleep when you're grieving
How poetry can be a useful way to express your feelings
Young people share what it's like to grieve while studying at uni.
Our bereavement experts are available to speak to for immediate support on weekdays from 8am to 8pm.
Get top tips from bereavement experts, and hear from Youth Ambassadors, Henri and Teigan, about their experiences of Mother's Day.
Phoebe's mum died when she was nine. She shares how she feels on Mother’s Day and how she remembers her mum.