Ways to cope when someone important to you has a serious illness
Managing your thoughts and feelings, adjusting to changes in your life, and grieving before someone has died.
Being told that someone has a serious illness and is going to die can be incredibly confusing and difficult to try to make sense of. Some people might have been told at diagnosis that their illness cannot be cured, and for others, this news may have come after living with the illness and having had treatment. Knowing that there is no further medical treatment to help your person recover may be one of the most challenging things to deal with. It can be complicated to manage your thoughts and feelings, adjust to changes in your life, and continue with daily life, knowing things will be different in the future.
Anticipatory grief describes the grief feelings that you have before a person dies; it's like experiencing grief before a bereavement happens. Like grief, there is no right or wrong way to begin to grieve while the person is alive. Emotions might feel really big and all-consuming at times, and at other times, you might be focusing on things that distract you to give you a break.
There are many feelings that you may experience, and these may change rapidly or feel like they hang around for a while. It is impossible to write about every emotion you might feel here - here are a few that you may feel when someone has an incurable illness.
Numb
This news might have come as a shock, and it might also feel so big that you do not know what to feel or are unable to work out what you feel. This is understandable.
Anger
Just like grief, anger can be a big emotion when someone is terminally ill. You may feel angry that the illness is happening to them, you might blame them for what has happened, or you might be angry that the medical team cannot help them get better. You may have lots of questions that cannot be answered, and it can feel unfair that you are having to deal with this. Anger is normal.
Worry
Knowing that the future will look different without the person being part of it can be really worrying. Uncertainty about what will happen, when it will happen, and how you will cope is valid. It might feel difficult to share your worries and talk about them, especially if you are worried about others around you and how they are coping.
Guilt
It is common to have feelings of guilt, and these often focus on things that have been done or said or not done or said. You may feel guilty if you find it hard to spend time being with the person because it is too hurtful, or your relationship with them might be complicated. Guilt is a feeling that can show up before the person dies.
Scared
Fear of the future and living with uncertainty might mean that you feel scared. You might be worried about what will happen as the person becomes more unwell and the changes that you might see in them. Not knowing when they might die can feel very overwhelming and frightening.
Lonely
It may feel like nobody understands what this is like for you or you may also want to avoid others and choose to be alone. Friends might find it difficult to know what to say to you or avoid talking about it in case they say the wrong thing. This can lead to feelings of loneliness.
Having ways to help cope can be helpful for letting your feelings out, being able to distract yourself and continuing to enjoy things that are important to you. What helps may take time to figure out and might look slightly different for individuals, but you may find these suggestions useful:
Day-to-day life can really feel like it has changed when someone has a serious illness. It might be that you are trying to balance changes along with continuing your normal life. You might also be focusing on the future, not knowing what this might look like and when it might be time to say goodbye to your important person. This might feel overwhelming, worrying and out of your control.
At other times, life might feel like it is continuing as normal with things like going to school, college, university or work, seeing friends, having fun and doing things you enjoy. It is important that you can have moments where you feel calmer and can do the normal things that give you a break.
The illness and any medication might make your person look different, and they may not be able to do the things they could before. You might decide to take on responsibilities to help, or you may prefer to focus on your normal routine. Home might feel different with healthcare and medical professionals visiting who are involved in caring for the person at home, and there might be equipment too, like a special bed. Time might be needed in the hospital, or they might go to a hospice to be taken care of. All of this can be confusing, and it is normal to have lots of questions about what is happening, or you may not want to ask any questions.
The roller coaster of anticipatory grief can feel up and down, like it twists and turns. Sometimes it might feel lonely and isolating, and other times you might feel a sense of closeness to people around you. You may alternate between feeling normal and things feeling unbelievably different. Be kind to yourself as you find your way through, and remember if you need someone to talk to, Winston’s Wish is here.
If you need to talk, we’re here to listen. Our bereavement specialists are available to speak with right away. No appointments or waiting lists, just real-life support. You can chat with us anonymously if you wish and share whatever you are feeling. Nothing about your grief is off limits. We promise to listen, not judge and can offer advice and guidance if needed. You can speak to us as little or as often as you want. Start a conversation now. You can speak with us between 8am and 8pm, Monday to Friday (except bank holidays). You must be 13 or older to receive support via WhatsApp.
Click the blue 'chat with us' button at the bottom right of your screen between 8am-8pm, Monday to Friday.
Call us for free on 08088 020 021 between 8am-8pm, Monday to Friday.
Text or WhatsApp us on 07418 341 800 between 8am-8pm, Monday to Friday.
For urgent support, please call 999.
If you need to speak to us in a language other than English, we can use interpreters over the phone, and we can use the Relay UK app if you have hearing or speech difficulties.
Managing your thoughts and feelings, adjusting to changes in your life, and grieving before someone has died.
Anniversaries can be especially difficult to cope with, and it’s important to remember that everyone experiences grief in their own way – there is no right or wrong way.
Amy, Youth Ambassador, shares her personal experience of feeling alone at Christmas as well as some advice for other young grieving people.
Discover ways our Youth Ambassadors manage their feelings at Christmas time and into the New Year without their person.
Dom, Volunteer and former Youth Team member, shares a reflection on grief over time as a 27 year old.
How you can encourage your school, college or university to adopt a radical new way of supporting bereaved students.
Between a wedding and a grave: bearing witness in a broken world. What a childhood visit to Pakistan taught me about grief, hope, and the stories we still need to tell.
Youth Ambassador Jasmin shares her experience of sibling loss and ways she copes with grieving for her brother.
Youth Ambassador Ben shares his reflection on being a son when you are bereaved of a parent.
Grieving for someone you have no memories of can feel complicated. Discover ways to express your grief from our Bereavement Specialists.
Our bereavement support team share ways to cope when feelings about your grief come up unexpectedly.
Feeling angry when you're grieving is completely normal, but it's important to find healthy ways to cope with your feelings. Hear from our Youth Ambassadors.
Whether your bereavement happened recently or a long time ago, grief can re-surface when starting a new venture in your life, such as starting a new job. Here are some things to consider if you’re grieving and entering the world of work.
Grief can sometimes feel difficult to talk about, making it hard to make sense of your feelings. Poetry can offer a way to explore those emotions.
When a student dies from your school, it can bring up lots of big feelings, not just for the students who were close to them but also for those who did not know them.
Grief might make special days feel different for you, but does that mean you should not celebrate?
Ways to cope with your grief this summer when you have a lack of routine.
When someone important to you has died, it can be very overwhelming to think about where to start. Who do you need to inform? How do you do it? Where do you get help and advice?
Support, guidance, and ways to manage your grief after the death of your baby or child. This is written specifically for young parents aged 25 or under.
Some tips for taking care of yourself when you're grieving for a celebrity or public figure.
How MrBeast's YouTube video* was about more than just losing 110lbs and what we've taken from it. Written by a Winston’s Wish Bereavement Support Worker.
Understanding your feelings after the death of someone important to you who didn't know or support your authentic identity.
Advice from our bereavement support team about navigating grief with a learning disability.
Four young people from the Winston’s Wish Youth Team have shared their memories of their dads and their tips for others coping with Father’s Day while grieving for their dads.
Ashleigh, Youth Ambassador, shares how she feels about her first Father's Day without her dad and includes some tips for other young bereaved people.
Grief is a really common theme in TV, film, books, and more, so why is it such a taboo subject for some people to talk about?
It can be really hard knowing how to support your partner when they are grieving for someone important who has died. It's completely okay to be unsure of what to say or do. Here are some suggestions of ways you can try to help.
Whilst it never goes away, grief does start to feel different over time. But what can that look or feel like?
One thing we all have in common is life and death. There are lots of different traditions to mark the occasion of a person dying.
Hear from Natasha, Youth Ambassador, about how reading helps her process her bereavement.
Bereavement support tips for those who identify as part of the LGBTQ+ community. Tap the live chat button or scroll down to find ways to contact Winston's Wish for further support.
Discover ways to store memories of your parents and express how you're feeling in your grief.
Find ways to cope with grief and its emotions as a teen or young adult without their parents.
Winston's Wish Bereavement Support Workers share top tips for looking after your mental health when you're grieving.
Feeling confused by your grief? You're not alone. Our Bereavement Support Team share some reasons why it can be confusing.
Over winter, with the darker evenings, feelings of loneliness can seem more overwhelming than ever.
Iman, Youth Ambassador, shares how she grieves at Christmas even though she doesn't celebrate the occasion.
Crying is a normal response when your person has died, no matter how long ago. There's no right or wrong way to grieve, and it's okay to let it out.
A guide for grieving young people from the Winston's Wish Bereavement Support Team.
Three of our Youth Ambassadors, Anna, Libby and Angharad, reflect on their first Christmas without their person.
Winter and the Christmas holidays can be a difficult time of year. Here are five ways to remember your person this season.
Winston's Wish Bereavement Support Workers share their 8 top tips for bereaved teens and young adults through the colder months.
Youth Ambassadors share the ways they remember their person digitally, through photo albums, playlists, and more.
Youth Ambassadors, Daisy, Freya, and Katie, share their personal views of their own secondary losses as a result of their bereavement.
Hear from some of the Youth Team about times when their teachers have helped them with their grief.
Our Bereavement Support Team have written some guidance on how to manage grief when you feel like you aren't able to be open.
Lilly shares an introduction to her grief experience and why it's so important to her to be a Winston's Wish Youth Ambassador.
Hear from some of their Youth Team about how they found support at uni.
Angus, Content Creator, says, "This message is about embracing change and not letting current moments pass you by."
Coping strategies to support you after a teacher has died
Tips from our bereavement support team to help you with big life changes like moving out as a young adult.
Useful tips to help you understand and cope with your grief.
Feeling sad that your person isn't there, guilty that you're celebrating your results, or proud of yourself for your results. There's no right or wrong way to grieve.
It can be very difficult knowing what to say and to be around someone who has experienced the death of someone close. Adults find it difficult too, so try not to feel bad about this.
The death of a friend may feel extremely difficult and can feel as significant as that of a family member. Whatever you're feeling is valid, and there is no right or wrong way to grieve.
Jack, Content Creator, writes about how managing his grief through running has led to him winning the Leeds Half Marathon 2024!
Iman, Youth Ambassador, explains about Eid and shares what it's like for her and her family to grieve during Eid.
Miranda shares about how she uses music in different ways to help express her grief and emotions.
Ashleigh writes about how both writing and music have helped her in her grief.
The Winston's Wish bereavement support team share top tips for managing grief this Father's Day.
Grace's dad died from cancer when she was eight years old, she shares how she remembers her dad on Father’s Day.
Feelings of worry are very normal when you're grieving. Read on to discover some ways to manage these feelings.
Useful tips for exam season if you're grieving
Youth Ambassador, Iman, shares about her Eid celebrations as a grieving young person
Content Creator, Angus shares his thoughts
Useful tips for exam season
Interview with Mark O’Sullivan, writer of Tell Me Everything
Tips to help improve your sleep when you're grieving
How poetry can be a useful way to express your feelings
Young people share what it's like to grieve while studying at uni.
Our bereavement experts are available to speak to for immediate support on weekdays from 8am to 8pm.
Get top tips from bereavement experts, and hear from Youth Ambassadors, Henri and Teigan, about their experiences of Mother's Day.
Phoebe's mum died when she was nine. She shares how she feels on Mother’s Day and how she remembers her mum.