Coping with Mother’s Day after your mum has died
Tips from Bereavement Specialists as well as voices of bereaved young people grieving this Mother's Day.
Mother’s Day can be a really difficult day when you’re grieving for your mother figure. As with other significant days, it can be a time when your grief is brought to the surface, your emotions are heightened, and you are constantly reminded that your mum or mother figure is no longer here.
Below are some ideas for coping with Mother’s Day after your mum or mother figure has died. These are only suggestions, so you can take what works for you and leave what doesn’t - maybe you have completely different ideas of your own!
For some people, it will be a sad day, for others it may be a happy day, and some people will feel neither happy nor sad. It might be a day when you want to do lots of things to celebrate and remember your mum, or you may want to avoid it. Each year may feel different, so it’s important to allow yourself to do whatever feels right to you. There is no right or wrong way to feel, and there is no right or wrong way to spend the day.
This might mean eating their favourite dinner, listening to their favourite music, or doing an activity that they enjoyed, or you used to do together. Again, these are just suggestions, and you may have your own unique things that remind you of your mum.
Find out when Mother's Day is and try to plan ahead to prepare for the day itself. You could choose to spend the day alone, with other family members, or friends who can support you. Choose people you trust who will be by your side no matter how you’re going to spend the day.
Your instinct might be to avoid the rows of Mother’s Day cards in the shops, and that’s perfectly fine. However, some bereaved young people like to buy or make a Mother’s Day card for their mum. It can be an opportunity to remember your mum, and you could write her a message and maybe put the card on her grave, a special place, display it in your home, or keep it in a memory box.
Mother’s Day can be a good opportunity to talk about your mum. You could talk to your family, friends, or people who knew your mum. You could talk about your memories or ask people about their memories of your mum – you might learn things you didn’t know before, such as what she was like at school or the worst birthday present she ever bought.
It can feel like you are being bombarded with social media posts from your friends and their mums or from companies selling Mother’s Day gifts. If you’re feeling like that, it can be helpful to avoid social media in the lead-up to the day. A number of companies also now give you the option to opt out of marketing emails for Mother’s Day, so look out for that if you’re finding your inbox is triggering.
Mother’s Day can also be a time to celebrate the other important people in your life, whether that’s your other parent, a step-mum, auntie, grandma, sister, or friend. Why not buy or make them a card? Or get them a present and take the opportunity to tell them how special they are.
We’re here to talk if you’re finding things difficult in the lead-up to Mother’s Day this year. You can find information about how and when to contact us below.
If you need to talk, we’re here to listen. Our bereavement specialists are available to speak with right away. No appointments or waiting lists, just real-life support. You can chat with us anonymously if you wish and share whatever you are feeling. Nothing about your grief is off limits. We promise to listen, not judge and can offer advice and guidance if needed. You can speak to us as little or as often as you want. Start a conversation now. You can speak with us between 8am and 8pm, Monday to Friday (except bank holidays). You must be 13 or older to receive support via WhatsApp.
Click the blue 'chat with us' button at the bottom right of your screen between 8am-8pm, Monday to Friday.
Call us for free on 08088 020 021 between 8am-8pm, Monday to Friday.
Text or WhatsApp us on 07418 341 800 between 8am-8pm, Monday to Friday.
For urgent support, please call 999.
If you need to speak to us in a language other than English, we can use interpreters over the phone, and we can use the Relay UK app if you have hearing or speech difficulties.
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