Amy: Mother's Day without her
Amy, Youth Ambassador, shares how she feels approaching her 2nd Mother's Day without her mum.
This year marks my 2nd Mother’s Day without my mum, yet somehow the prospect of that seems that bit heavier than the first.
I think a lot of that comes down to the fact that the first caught me so off guard. I was fresh into a new grief journey, having still not yet fully navigated others that had come so quickly before it, but this one had tilted every aspect of my life. I was still caught in that time warped bubble of having to plan and put on a show for everyone else, whilst trying to figure out what tomorrow looked like, never mind weeks down the line. I had no time to give it a thought until I was snapped into reality on a weekly food shop. There, everything was right in my face, aisles and aisles dedicated to florals, cards, and chocolates, my first reminder that I didn’t know what was in store. At all.
I didn’t know just how much it consumed the media. Every time I set foot in the car, they played the advertisements on the radio, every time I turned on the tv I met the same fate. ‘Do you want to opt out of these emails?’ were spamming my inbox and I couldn’t scroll social media without some kind of ‘win an x for you and your mum.’ It was everywhere.
I didn’t know that on the day itself, seeing everyone I knew posting pictures of their mums in the present tense would provoke so many emotions. Seeing them on experiences, at weddings, at big life celebrations, all the things I’d never get tore a new level to my grief I hadn’t yet discovered. Again, it was everywhere, as it should be. To them, their mums are incredible and deserve to be celebrated. Rightly so! But I didn’t know just how heavy having to dig up old pictures to join them in the social media performance would feel.
I didn’t know that it would be this day of celebration was where it finally hit me that no one I knew of was in my boat. No one I knew of was experiencing what I was in that moment. No one felt robbed the way I did. It felt very me against the world. It suddenly felt very real.
However, the me of twelve months ago can’t be compared to me of the present day. This year, I’m prepared, I’ve adapted, and I’ve learned to grow with my grief rather than fight against it. Simply, Mother’s Day can still be Mother’s Day, or it can just be another Sunday. I have that choice. I count myself extremely fortunate to have so many incredible female figures around my circle, so I choose to celebrate them and all the good they do too.
I know now that it's okay to feel everything with the day, or to see it for what it literally is, neither is wrong. Above all though, I know that I can celebrate my mum the way I choose to, not in what people expect of me. And that shows up in many ways. I celebrate her every day. I celebrate her with the morals she instilled in me. I celebrate her in pursuing the things I’m passionate in because she pushed me to get there. I celebrate her with her favourite songs, her favourite foods, all the things she loved. I celebrate her by living for her, because that means more to me than a card and chocolates ever would.
Looking to my 2nd Mother’s Day without my mum is undeniably hard, and I don’t think that’s something that’ll ever change. I still miss her as much, I still would love to phone her for advice, and I still need my mum the same as anyone else. But these celebrations are whatever you make of them; there is no right or wrong to get through it.
I think there’s an important reminder to the community of young people like me on days like this. You’re seen, you’re heard, your emotions are valid. Be gentle with yourself and remember that there is support out there for you, there are people who get it, and they want to help. Don’t be scared to take the first step.
Happy Mother’s Day, mum.
Whether you’re struggling with your feelings, not sure how to express your thoughts or trying to find ways to remember your person who has died, we have lots of ideas to help.
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Amy, Youth Ambassador, shares how she feels approaching her 2nd Mother's Day without her mum.
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