Grieving for your child (for parents aged 25 or under)
Support, guidance, and ways to manage your grief after the death of your baby or child. This is written specifically for young parents aged 25 or under.
You may feel lots of deep and complicated emotions following the death of your child, and whatever emotions you are feeling are completely valid. If you’re 25 or under and have been bereaved of your child, you can talk to Winston’s Wish for support. Chat with us or call us on 08088 020 021 between 8am and 8pm on weekdays.
There are so many feelings you may be experiencing that it’s impossible to write about them all, but here are some of the emotions parents may feel after being bereaved of their child. Scroll down for some ways to manage your grief and feelings, and suggestions of how you can keep memories of your child when you are ready to do so.
Shock
It doesn’t matter if your child’s death was expected or sudden, it is normal to feel shocked after a bereavement. The death of a child is likely to be a very traumatic experience no matter how it happened. If you’re experiencing shock, that might mean that your emotions are hard to understand, and you may almost feel ‘nothing’ or maybe numb. That’s okay too.
Empty
Feeling empty when your child has died is a common feeling among bereaved parents. You may feel that your role as a parent is no longer there, and this can leave a big gap in your daily life. You may feel that your identity as a parent is no longer relevant, but you will always be a parent. If your child was poorly before they died, you may have been a full-time carer for their medical needs and not having that role now can leave you feeling like you have lots of time, which can make it feel like your grief takes all your time.
Guilt
It can feel incredibly unfair that someone so young has died, and as a parent you may feel that it is the reverse of what should ‘normally’ happen. It is normal if you feel a sense of guilt, not only for your child dying before you, but you may also feel like their death might be your fault or that you could not save them. This is a common feeling for bereaved parents, but it's really important to know that this is not true and none of this is your fault.
Anger
Feeling angry is very common in grief, and when your child has died, it is only natural that you will feel anger and have lots of questions about why this has happened. You may struggle to make sense of it, and feel angry if there are no clear answers as to why it happened.
Anxiety
After your bereavement, you may start feeling more anxious about the future. It’s normal to worry about losing another important person in your life, and this feeling can make daily tasks feel very overwhelming and scary.
Alone
Partners can find it difficult to support each other after the death of a child as you may both be grieving very differently. You may find it hard to navigate your own grief and to be able to understand that your partner may be experiencing very different emotions, which can lead to feeling lonely.
Self-care is extremely important during this difficult time. It is important to look after yourself, both physically and emotionally. Try to take care of your basic needs, such as eating, drinking, personal hygiene, and sleeping.
For both you and the people around you, keeping to a routine where possible can feel reassuring. Trying to sleep and wake up at set times might sound impossible, but continuing with your basic needs and habits, including the self-care mentioned above, can help to provide yourself with that time to grieve.
Allow yourself time to grieve. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself to ‘move on’, we all grieve differently, and it is important we recognise this and allow ourselves the time we need to process our loss. Take some time to sit on your own and cry, talk to yourself, write in a journal, scream into a pillow – do whatever it is you need to do to let out your emotions at that time.
Try to put aside some time to do something that you enjoy and that can distract you for short periods of time from your grief. Creative activities, sport, music, TV and other hobbies and activities you enjoy can really help you to have a break from the heavy feelings of grief. It is okay to allow yourself time away from your grieving to refocus on things that make you feel more positive. It does not mean you have forgotten your child or your grief.
Reach out for support. This may be from friends or family, or it may be from a professional, such as your GP or an organisation such as Winston’s Wish.
Be honest with people about what you think you need. Don’t be afraid to kindly refuse seeing people or decline their offers of help if you need your time and space to yourself. If you feel able to, send them a quick message to explain to them that you need some time, but you appreciate them checking in with you.
Telling other people that your child has died can feel really scary and be extremely emotional. When you feel ready to let other people know, decide who you feel ready to tell first. Remember, it is perfectly okay to allow friends and family members to help you. Letting others pass on the news to the people you don’t feel you need to tell personally might take some pressure off you. After telling the people you feel you need to, asking for some private time is okay. Or if you would like people to reach out to you, try to let them know how you would like them to do that, for example, checking in over a message, calling you on the phone, or coming to your home to visit.
People can often struggle to know what to say when someone has died, and even more so when it is a child. You may find some people avoid you, don’t reply to messages, and others may try to say the ‘right’ thing, which unfortunately might not always feel appropriate to you. Some people may try to help too much, for example, they might want to bring you food to save you cooking or offer to care for other children or pets.
You may find that your friends who don’t have their own children cannot really relate to your grief, and that’s okay. You do not need to explain anything to anyone, and if those friends avoid conversations, it’s okay to take a break from those people. Seek others who are able to give you the support you need, even if that means regularly chatting with the team at Winston’s Wish.
There is no right or wrong time to try returning to study or work; many organisations and workplaces will have bereavement policies and guidance, so try to remember to ask what you are entitled to. You may be able to claim paid leave from work, or adaptations may be able to be made to your study or exam timetables to support you. You might like to meet with your tutor or line manager to discuss what support can be put in place for your return to work and to decide if, how, and when you want your colleagues or other students to be told about your bereavement.
You are never going to forget your child, they are such an important person in your life, but it can be scary thinking that in time you may forget the little things. You might like to consider making a memory box, where you can keep all the important things you can remember them by. It is okay if it feels too soon to be doing much with the box initially, start by collecting things you know you would not want to get rid of and keep them in a box. When you feel ready, you can have a look at them and organise them how you would like.
More ways you can remember them:
Creating a jar of memories. This can be a big jar in which people slip post-it notes with memories or messages to the child who has died. When you want to remember them, you can pull one out at random and think of them.
Planting bulbs or bushes. You could choose their birth flower or a flower with a colour you associate with your child. When you plant them, you could write memories on little pieces of paper that can be placed in the soil and spring bulbs planted. When they bloom, you can think of those memories.
Display their important things. It may not feel right for everyone, and that is fine, but if it brings comfort to you, then it can be a great way to feel that they are still around you. For example, you might display a photo, or you might consider having some of their clothes made into a bear or blanket.
Have a notebook especially for writing to them. Some people find it helpful to have a book in which they can write to their child, so they still feel like they are including them in their lives. You can write to feel like you're letting them know of important events and how they would have been involved if they were still with you.
If you need to talk, we’re here to listen. You can speak to the Winston’s Wish bereavement team using one of our confidential on-demand services. You can chat with us anonymously if you wish and share whatever you are feeling. Nothing about your grief is off limits. We promise to listen, not judge and can offer advice and guidance if needed. You can speak to us as little or as often as you want.
Click the blue 'chat with us' button at the bottom right of your screen between 8am-8pm, weekdays.
Call us for free on 08088 020 021 between 8am-8pm, weekdays.
For out of hours mental health support, you can use Shout's 24/7 messenger service by texting WW to 85258.
For urgent support, please call 999.
If you need to speak to us in a language other than English, we can use interpreters over the phone, and we can use the Relay UK app if you have hearing or speech difficulties.
Support, guidance, and ways to manage your grief after the death of your baby or child. This is written specifically for young parents aged 25 or under.
Some tips for taking care of yourself when you're grieving for a celebrity or public figure.
How MrBeast's YouTube video* was about more than just losing 110lbs and what we've taken from it. Written by a Winston’s Wish Bereavement Support Worker.
Understanding your feelings after the death of someone important to you who didn't know or support your authentic identity.
Advice from our bereavement support team about navigating grief with a learning disability.
Four young people from the Winston’s Wish Youth Team have shared their memories of their dads and their tips for others coping with Father’s Day while grieving for their dads.
Ashleigh, Youth Ambassador, shares how she feels about her first Father's Day without her dad and includes some tips for other young bereaved people.
Grief is a really common theme in TV, film, books, and more, so why is it such a taboo subject for some people to talk about?
It can be really hard knowing how to support your partner when they are grieving for someone important who has died. It's completely okay to be unsure of what to say or do. Here are some suggestions of ways you can try to help.
Whilst it never goes away, grief does start to feel different over time. But what can that look or feel like?
One thing we all have in common is life and death. There are lots of different traditions to mark the occasion of a person dying.
Hear from Natasha, Youth Ambassador, about how reading helps her process her bereavement.
Bereavement support tips for those who identify as part of the LGBTQ+ community. Tap the live chat button or scroll down to find ways to contact Winston's Wish for further support.
Discover ways to store memories of your parents and express how you're feeling in your grief.
Find ways to cope with grief and its emotions as a teen or young adult without their parents.
Winston's Wish Bereavement Support Workers share top tips for looking after your mental health when you're grieving.
Feeling confused by your grief? You're not alone. Our Bereavement Support Team share some reasons why it can be confusing.
Over winter, with the darker evenings, feelings of loneliness can seem more overwhelming than ever.
Iman, Youth Ambassador, shares how she grieves at Christmas even though she doesn't celebrate the occasion.
Crying is a normal response when your person has died, no matter how long ago. There's no right or wrong way to grieve, and it's okay to let it out.
A guide for grieving young people from the Winston's Wish Bereavement Support Team.
Three of our Youth Ambassadors, Anna, Libby and Angharad, reflect on their first Christmas without their person.
Winter and the Christmas holidays can be a difficult time of year. Here are five ways to remember your person this season.
Winston's Wish Bereavement Support Workers share their 8 top tips for bereaved teens and young adults through the colder months.
Youth Ambassadors share the ways they remember their person digitally, through photo albums, playlists, and more.
Youth Ambassadors, Daisy, Freya, and Katie, share their personal views of their own secondary losses as a result of their bereavement.
Hear from some of the Youth Team about times when their teachers have helped them with their grief.
Our Bereavement Support Team have written some guidance on how to manage grief when you feel like you aren't able to be open.
Lilly shares an introduction to her grief experience and why it's so important to her to be a Winston's Wish Youth Ambassador.
Hear from some of their Youth Team about how they found support at uni.
Angus, Content Creator, says, "This message is about embracing change and not letting current moments pass you by."
Coping strategies to support you after a teacher has died
Tips from our bereavement support team to help you with big life changes like moving out as a young adult.
Useful tips to help you understand and cope with your grief.
Feeling sad that your person isn't there, guilty that you're celebrating your results, or proud of yourself for your results. There's no right or wrong way to grieve.
It can be very difficult knowing what to say and to be around someone who has experienced the death of someone close. Adults find it difficult too, so try not to feel bad about this.
The death of a friend may feel extremely difficult and can feel as significant as that of a family member. Whatever you're feeling is valid, and there is no right or wrong way to grieve.
Jack, Content Creator, writes about how managing his grief through running has led to him winning the Leeds Half Marathon 2024!
Iman, Youth Ambassador, explains about Eid and shares what it's like for her and her family to grieve during Eid.
Miranda shares about how she uses music in different ways to help express her grief and emotions.
Ashleigh writes about how both writing and music have helped her in her grief.
The Winston's Wish bereavement support team share top tips for managing grief this Father's Day.
Grace's dad died from cancer when she was eight years old, she shares how she remembers her dad on Father’s Day.
Feelings of worry are very normal when you're grieving. Read on to discover some ways to manage these feelings.
Useful tips for exam season if you're grieving
Youth Ambassador, Iman, shares about her Eid celebrations as a grieving young person
Content Creator, Angus shares his thoughts
Useful tips for exam season
Interview with Mark O’Sullivan, writer of Tell Me Everything
Tips to help improve your sleep when you're grieving
How poetry can be a useful way to express your feelings
Young people share what it's like to grieve while studying at uni.
Our bereavement experts are available to speak to for immediate support on weekdays from 8am to 8pm.
Get top tips from bereavement experts, and hear from Youth Ambassadors, Henri and Teigan, about their experiences of Mother's Day.
Phoebe's mum died when she was nine. She shares how she feels on Mother’s Day and how she remembers her mum.