When someone close to you dies, we know it can be an incredibly turbulent time and a really difficult thing to talk about. When that person is your sibling, for some people that can feel like losing not only a relative but a best friend. Sibling loss seems to be talked about much less frequently than the loss of other relatives, and perhaps it’s because people aren’t sure what to say. The relationship between siblings is unique and like no other relative or friend, it’s an unexplainable bond that can make you fight like mad and love each other unconditionally at the same time.

You might be feeling a whole range of emotions if you’ve lost a sibling, from sadness to guilt and even anger that they’re not here anymore. These feelings are completely normal and it’s important to try not to squash them down, but to talk about them with someone you trust. There’s no need to manage your grief alone, there are people who can help you, including support workers at Winston’s Wish.

Maisie was seven years old when Holly sadly died in a natural disaster, she said it felt “like losing a friend” and found it really difficult to talk about. Maisie received support from Winston’s Wish bereavement support workers at the time and found it really helpful and reassuring.

Maisie and Holly were born several years apart, so Maisie’s favourite memories sometimes involve her sister being a role model and looking after her. Here’s a memory Maisie shared with us for Siblings Day 2023.

She was probably very jet lagged from being in India or Mexico, but the first thing she did was come to see me.

Losing a sibling changes your life in many ways

Losing a sibling might make day-to-day life change enormously, for example if you lived with them, there may be a lot more space and quiet without them. Adapting to the changes grief brings to life can take time, try not to stress if you can’t get your head around things at the moment.

Try to voice your thoughts and concerns, even if just to yourself. It can be very therapeutic to speak out loud to yourself or keep a written record of your feelings. When the time is right, these might be useful notes to share with a professional or someone your trust to gain some support.

A simple question such as, “how many siblings do you have?” can become a complicated, triggering moment. Remember you don’t have to explain yourself in that moment, answer in a way that feels right at that specific time. If the person asking becomes a new friend or someone you frequently talk to, e.g., colleague or classmate, you can talk about it with them when you feel it’s right for you to do so.

Grief and the effects it might bring to life can be different for every individual, they can also be different on a daily basis for each individual. There’s nothing wrong about the way you’re feeling and talking to someone about your emotions could really help. When you’re ready, we’re here to listen.