Coping with the first anniversary of their death
Anniversaries can be especially difficult to cope with, and it’s important to remember that everyone experiences grief in their own way – there is no right or wrong way.
It is normal to feel as though you’re grieving as intensely as when they died again when significant dates are coming up. Anniversaries can be especially difficult to cope with, and it’s important to remember that everyone experiences grief in their own way – there is no right or wrong way. Grief is complicated, and you may feel different to your sibling, parent or friend around the first anniversary.
Well-meaning friends or adults may tell you that the first year is the hardest… For some people, this may be true, but it doesn’t mean that you suddenly find life so much easier after the one-year anniversary. It may feel less difficult over time, or it may always be a part of your life – just a little less powerful.
The anticipation and build-up to the day itself can feel daunting - it can help if you prepare for the anniversary date. You could have a few different plans in mind and choose the one that feels most manageable on the day. You can acknowledge it in the way that suits you:
Spend time with other supportive friends and family
Spend time reflecting and remembering your special person
Do something they loved to do, or that you enjoyed doing together
Wear their favourite colour
Listen to their favourite music (even if it’s cheesy)
Eat their favourite meal or treat
The list is endless. Or you may feel like doing nothing at all, treating it as your regular day – after all, every day can be difficult – not just this one particular day. Don’t try to force yourself to react in a certain way and allow yourself the space to feel or do something that feels right for you.
Self-care is so important – it’s important to remind yourself that you matter! Here are a few ways you can look after yourself:
Talk with someone you trust, express your genuine feelings. It may help you feel less alone. Write down how you feel, maybe share it with someone who is there for you.
Take care of yourself – eat healthy food, aim to get enough rest and sleep with a regular evening routine, and do exercise you enjoy.
Take part in activities for fun – try new ones, join clubs, go with a friend, or alone – change things up a bit, treat yourself, make new memories.
Try not to compare yourself to others, whether that’s friends, family, or people on social media. It’s okay to do things your own way, however that looks and feels for you.
Seek help if you need it. Reach out to trusted friends, family, and professionals. You’re not alone, and we’re here to help.
Talk Grief is powered by Winston’s Wish, a childhood bereavement charity that supports grieving children and young people up to 25. If you want to talk to someone about your grief, call us on 08088 020 021, email ask@winstonswish.org or use our online chat, or text or WhatsApp us on 07418 341 800 (open 8am-8pm, Monday to Friday). For urgent support in a crisis, please call 999.


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