Coping with Mother’s Day after your mum has died
Tips from Bereavement Specialists as well as voices of bereaved young people grieving this Mother's Day.
Sometimes, when you are grieving for someone who has died, you may face the difficult realisation that there isn’t anything left behind to remember them by, for example, photographs, items of clothing, or belongings. There may also be no other people you know or any family members to share memories with, or perhaps they aren’t willing to talk about your person with you if estranged or separated, for example.
Examples of times when there may be nothing to remember someone by:
Relatives or other people who knew your person but are estranged from you may not give you access to the person's life and belongings. This can happen with a biological parent, family member, or friend.
The death of an online friend can be deeply impactful, and sadly, you may have no physical links to the person's life offline. You may even feel awkward or judged by their peers or family for grieving, which can make it difficult to reach out for bereavement support. We will be here to talk to you about the death of your online friend, and you are as worthy of bereavement support and a listening ear as anyone else.
Perhaps the person who died was not very materialistic, or they lived a simple life without many items to leave behind. This is quite common and normal, and often, immediate family members may receive the few belongings they had, or if they had a will, they may have left them to someone or somewhere before they died.
When there are no items left to see or people to talk to, when trying to puzzle together who that person was (their personality, things they liked, things they disliked), it can bring about valid feelings such as loneliness, anger, and confusion.
It’s okay that you are grieving for your person as well as the lack of things left behind. Talking about it or even just naming this experience in your mind can be an important step toward managing your grief.
It is normal to experience lots of emotions, including extreme sadness, anger, and guilt. It’s also normal to feel happiness and joy in between and at the same time as your other emotions. Missing someone and grieving for them doesn’t mean you can’t smile and have fun sometimes, too. It doesn’t mean you have forgotten about them or ‘moved on’.
It may also help to learn to accept and understand that there may not be closure. It's important to realise you will not ‘get over’ the death of your person, but you will find ways to grow around your grief as you move forward with your life.
Traditional and cultural funerals and services can help with the grieving process, depending on your beliefs. For some, they can represent an ‘end’ to the person’s life because these events often include burial or cremation, signifying that the body has died. If you were unable to go to their funeral or service, you could consider creating your own ways to honour the person who died.
Building a lasting tribute
You could honour the person’s memory by planting a tree or memorial art to help commemorate them through a piece of art or music.
Write a letter
Write down your thoughts and feelings, including anything you wish you could have said to them. This can be a powerful way to process your emotions.
Identifying any personal memories, if present
Spend some time thinking about any personal memories you may still hold about that person. Write them down in a book or on pieces of paper and place them in a jar, and when you may feel like times are difficult in your grief, you can refer back to them when needed. If you don’t, that’s okay, you can try some of the other suggestions on the page.
It may feel tough and confusing to know how to feel in this situation. You can talk with one of our trained bereavement specialists for guidance on managing difficult emotions, confusing thoughts, and ways to cope with your grief that feel comfortable for you.
You can find some really helpful ways of expressing your grief when you have no memories of your person here.
Whether you’re struggling with your feelings, not sure how to express your thoughts or trying to find ways to remember your person who has died, we have lots of ideas to help.
View grief toolkit
Tips from Bereavement Specialists as well as voices of bereaved young people grieving this Mother's Day.
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Get top tips from bereavement experts, and hear from Youth Ambassadors, Henri and Teigan, about their experiences of Mother's Day.
Phoebe's mum died when she was nine. She shares how she feels on Mother’s Day and how she remembers her mum.